For Better or Worse

I married my husband on January 28,2012. We were married at St. Joseph’s Catholic Church in Loreauville, LA. I was excited to begin a life with him and grow old with him.
My parents had such a great marriage when I was growing up. I might have seen them fight once my whole childhood. I figured my marriage would be just as simple. I was oblivious to the amount of work and effort it takes to make a marriage work, and without God front and center in your Marriage, it’s nearly impossible.
Kyle and I had a lot of odds against us. Religion was one. He was born and raised Baptist, and I was born and Raised Catholic. He had started attending a Nondenominational Church, and I would go with him from time to time, but I would go to the Catholic Church most weeks if I went to Church at all. I eventually joined him at Our Saviors Church and I really enjoy it there. I realized it’s not about a religion, but a relationship, and I have been able to build a better relationship with my Father in Heaven through the Church I attend now. I’m in no way knocking down the Catholic faith. I still practice a lot of the virtues and I believe that Any Church who teaches that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior is a Good Church!
Kyle already having kids, has been our biggest struggle. I knew when I married him, that I was also committing to help him raise these two children to know the Lord and I was committing to love them as my own. There have been times which I will talk about later when that has really been a struggle.
I married Kyle knowing that I loved him, however, I wasn’t sure if he loved me. I knew he was crazy about me. I knew I was his best friend, but I didn’t feel like he desired me. I figured we had the foundation, and I loved him, so that was enough. That was naive of me.
Our honeymoon was not two newlyweds that couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. It was more like two friends enjoying a trip together. We were intimate, but it wasn’t often at all, considering the fact that we were allowed to be intimate as much as we wanted and we were alone for seven days. I left our honeymoon wondering if he married me because he didn’t want to lose my friendship instead of as a lover and a friend.
We got back home and reality set in. Homework had to be done. Clothes washed. Dishes washed. Children bathed. Supper cooked. I went from being an independent successful career oriented person, to being a wife and a mother of two, and married to a man who didn’t really show me affection. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep even though he didn’t know it. Three weeks home from the honeymoon, I started feeling odd. I was tired, extremely tired! I realized that my period was a couple of days late. Then it hit me, I’m pregnant! This was not part of my plan. I was not ready for this! I was just figuring things out for myself. This marriage was so new, and I was just learning how to be married, but Gods will was for me to have a child and I would in no way question what God had planned for me! So there I went, in one month from single, to married with two children and another one on the way! Side note: Marriage is hard work and is not something to be taken lightly! Ultimately, my husband and I found that intimacy I longed for, but it took time and dedication, and prayer!! Appearances are not always actuality! Everyone thought we were completely happy, but it was extremely rough for the first few years of Marriage. I felt like I was being punished for past transgressions. Like I wasn’t worthy of Love. I let the enemy define me, and that my friend’s,is the opposite of what I should have done. At that point, Kyle and I should have opened up to a counselor or a married couple farther along in their walk than us. We should have gotten help, and then I would not have blamed myself for so long, and lived with that feeling of being unloved for so long!

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